I Walk Alone
by forgotten shock trooper
Summary: 2 months, 18 days, 16 hours and 52 minutes. Thats how long its been since the RDA left. 2 months, 18 days, 16 hours and 52 minutes since the day I lost everything. My name is Norm Spellman and my life has become meaningless.


Summary: Norm is failing to deal with the aftermath of the battle and is beggining to retreat into a spiralling depression. (First thing I have wrote in a while constructive criticism is appreciated. I may turn this into a full story if I get enough reviews giving criticism)

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar that honour belongs to James Cameron in his infinite film making wisdom.

I walk alone.

2 months, 18 days, 16 hours and 52 minutes had passed since the rest of the humans had left. 70761.0639 minutes since they, or rather the Navi had won their fight. 4245664 seconds since the fact had hit him that he had lost absolutely everything that he cared about. Every second, every minute, every day, every week and now every month he had counted. Playing the same memories and feelings over and over again in his head, the feel of the bullet passing through his chest, his avatar one and the delirium of waking up after he had technically died. The forced detachment caused by hearing Trudy die over the radio. In the moment there had been no time to think or feel, there had only been enough time to react to the stimuli around him. But after the RDA had been forcibly evicted and there had been time to breathe. Once they had left and time slowed down he found that he couldn't.

At first he thought it was his exo mask but then realised it was him crying unable to take a breath, drowning in grief and misery. Jake had had to carry him off the runway as he'd become a un communicable pile of agony. At first he had done nothing but stay in his room bawling his eyes out, refusing to eat and barely drinking anything for a week. Then had come the inconsolable anger where he lashed out at everyone and ended up destroying half a laboratory. That had landed him 2 days in the medical centre both for the injuries he had cause himself from glass beakers exploding against the walls and to make sure he wasn't a danger to everyone else or himself. After that Norm found himself pretty much devoid of feeling as if he'd been drained of any emotions he had. It showed as well. He'd stopped doing his video logs and then stopped researching anything at all. What was the point? He was a xeno-anthropologist with no way to study and nobody to report his finding to. His existence had become meaningless.

Max had tried to help but Norm had become uncommunicative flat out refusing to talk and ignoring any attempts of those talking to him, ultimately Max had to just leave them as he had responsibilities of running what was left of Hell's gate. This meant that Norm spent most of his time alone now just sitting in his room or wandering the corridors aimlessly. Recently though he had been woken up in the middle of the night by what he swore was Trudy's voice calling his name in that soft way she had when they were alone in the research station. Following the sound Norm swore he had seen the back of her disappear around a corner with a soft laugh. Sometimes he would follow this apparition or "ghost" for a few minutes sometimes it felt like hours but it always led to the same place, the huge window in the observatory.

For the last month he found himself led here by his hallucinations (or whatever they were) in the middle of the night where he would end up just watching the bioluminescence of the Pandoran forests. Sometimes he could swear he felt a soft hand on his shoulder or a feminine sigh whispered into his ear but still he would sit their motionlessly, aimlessly staring into the wild life. He had even begun to do it in the daytime to only moving to eat, sleep and take care of un avoidable bodily functions. Soon thoughts had begun to form inside his mind. Should I have died in the battle? What's the point of me living if I have no reason and no purpose? How far could I get into the forest before something killed me? He had been caught once just standing in the airlock with no exo mask on as if he were in a trance. When asked he just shrugged his shoulders and replied with the only thing he had said in weeks

"I was just wondering how many steps I could take outside before I collapsed." Before returning to his muteness. Needless to say people were worried but without the expertise, time or resources there was nothing they could do except try and keep the airlocks locked down. It wasn't a full proof plan as if you pulled the emergency release panel then the lockdown would end.

This is how Norm found himself feeling the rush of Pandoran air brushing around his face as the observatory airlock opened. He began to walk counting how many steps that he could take before needing to breath. Fifteen, Norm had taken fifteen steps before his lungs burned for oxygen. Taking a huge gulp of air Norm began to choke and splutter on the noxious atmosphere of Pandora. Falling to his knees he swore he could see a women walking towards him from the forest. Just before it went dark he realised it was a smiling Trudy. Returning the smile Norms eyes closed and everything went dark.


End file.
